Ouch
by Lil' DeiDei
Summary: "I thought we were a family. But he still decided to go."    An alternative portrayal of Sakura's feelings after Sasuke left. Possibly more realistic, possibly not. Technically angst, though I am loathe to admit it.


An alternative portrayal of Sakura and Naruto's feelings after Sasuke left. Possibly more realistic, possibly not. Naruto is a strange, forgiving one…

**Ouch.**

There were only a few ways to describe how I was feeling right in that moment. None of them were good.

It wasn't just a sense of extreme betrayal, or even disbelief. It was just… hurt.

Hurt and confusion. Confusion about how this had happened, how it had come to this. What had led to this? What could have or should have been done to prevent it?

It was worse when I later realized that there was nothing I could have done, nothing that would have changed this eventual outcome. No matter what I did or said or tried to do or tried to be, he would make this decision. I've thought about it a lot since, and it still hurts. It's easier for Naruto, he's just forgotten about him, just detests him. I'm not sure how much of that is a façade, though, that Naruto puts on for me. You can't so easily push out a part of your life, no matter how awful it is or was. And we'd been with Sasuke for a while as Team Seven, but before that, as classmates and members of the same village.

I thought we were a family. But he still decided to go.

And I'm left with this aching, agonizingly _raw_ feeling in my chest. I know it's clichéd to describe it as something trying to climb out of my chest, and yet, that's the only way I can think of. It burns so much, and I still stupidly mention him or think of him or am reminded of him by the smallest of things. And I don't want to mention Sasuke around Ino; she's still in love with him. Or more accurately, in love with her idea of him, one we both placed over the real Sasuke to develop our own fantasy, a fake Sasuke that was nowhere close to the real thing, and never can be.

I miss him too, in a sense, but I'm just so pissed at him. Pissed at him for leaving, pissed at him for ignoring me, pissed at him for placing me on that stupid bench and for fighting with Naruto all the time and ignoring Kakashi-sensei and Tsunade-shishou and just… pissed.

He hurt me and I don't feel it receding like they say it will. "Time heals all things," but others just stay and wrap around you like a pricker bush, intent on getting under your skin and irritating you constantly for years to come.

It's already been three years, and I still hurt. And I still feel like I can't talk to anyone about this. Naruto's too… close-minded on this. He considers Sasuke a shut book and wants nothing more to do with him. I understand completely, but I still have to discuss my feeling with someone! Kakashi's basically useless for reasons I'm not going into. I'm not mad at him, it is not his fault, but he gets all guilty-looking when I bring it up so I've just given up. And Yamato-taichou, nice as he is, is not a confidante.

Sai is out of the question.

Which basically means I'm sitting here thinking all these things about stupid Sasuke that I want to share with someone just so they understand how pissed I am at him for abandoning us, and I have no options. Ugh. I'm destroying this paper when I am done complaining. I wish I was a good enough person to just say, "I wish him the best of luck and hope everything goes well," but I can't. I'm heartbroken. Not because he left and he was my love or something stupid. I did try my best to understand him, and to help him, and to be there for him. Maybe I wasn't smart enough to realize I needed to do so in a different way, but I did _try_.

That's more than I can say for him, and I hope he realizes it. If I ever forgive him for abandoning me like this, and the rest of Team Seven, it will be a surprise. And it's a long way coming, too. You can't just use people for your own goals and ambitions, and leave them whilly-nilly. No one is an object to be discarded when its usefulness has expired.

For now though, I will push this stupid hurtingness back and ignore it because he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve to have me sitting here crying over him and his stupidity and sheer jerkiness. And if he ever has the audacity to imply that I must apologize first, I know exactly where to tell him to stick it.


End file.
